The new year is off to a solid start. It's only the 5th, but credit where credit is due.
This week's lineup is a little tamer than usual, with the legs session on Monday having put a dent in my cardio. My goal of 30mi on the treadmill this month is stuck in neutral, so I know I'm going to have an uphill battle with this week out of contention.
I accomplished two days of independent weight training, Sunday and tonight, and I'm pretty stinkin' happy about it. Would really like to do legs, but I'm still a little broken, so I've been stuck with arms.
The diet has been good, though challenging. The cravings have been persistent over the past few days, I feel desperate for sugar around 10am despite being full from breakfast. I think I need to rethink my breakfast, eat less, and pack some kind of protein snack for the morning. I still haven't found a protein bar I like, but I may need to suck it up and have one anyway.
I gave in today at lunch and had a scoop of ice cream. My calories are still good today, my ratios aren't completely destroyed, but I'm disappointed that I gave in. I also got a little sick afterward, which didn't really surprise me.
Every day is still a battle with food. My friends pat me on the back for not snacking all day like I used to, for saying "no" to treats that are passed around the office. They couldn't do it, they say. It makes me feel especially brave.
Sometimes, though, they say it's okay if I just have one. I know they mean well.
But what they don't understand is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid that eating that one piece of candy will make me need it all the time. I'm afraid of the compulsion, I'm afraid of the food obsession. I'm afraid of undoing everything I've done. I don't want to be that person anymore, and every day I'm terrified I will be again.
I know that one piece of candy doesn't have enough calories to do me in. Some days, I'll even eat it. But most days, it's not about the one piece of candy that I can't have. It's about the rest of the bag I would finish off if I went back to being that woman I was before.
I won't let that happen. Tomorrow, I work to fix my food plan to fight those cravings better. I keep saying "no". I keep moving forward.
Yay! I feel the same about your last few paragraphs. I think its easier to skip it all together than look at the tray and think "just one" and then as you are going for the smallest one, your hand veers to the biggest one... and then it was so good... ball rolling from there. Our church always takes a coffee/snack break to mingle for a bit before the sermon. I find it is just easier to avoid going near that table at all.
ReplyDeletehave you tried luna bars? i'm huge fans of them, they back a pretty big protein punch as well as they hold me for awhile. i sometimes eat one for breakfast also or use it as a snack. -Emily
ReplyDeleteJenny, it's crazy the hold that sugar can have on us! It makes me cranky.
ReplyDeleteEmily, I've had Luna Bars, but it was ages ago. I do remember enjoying them, at least the ones that I'll actually eat, 'cause I'm awfully picky. The local Wal-Mart, where I shame-facedly buy most of my groceries, doesn't seem to carry them. I may need to check around at other stores!
Kroger has them! That's where I buy them. I currently have the flavors peanut butter cookie and lemon zest in my cabinet. My absolute favorite is probably the raspberry chocolate one. They do a great job of making....female friendly flavors (read: sweets) but it's a nutrition bar for women. SCORE. -Emily
ReplyDelete(1) Have you read Good Calories, Bad Calories? You might find it interesting as far as diet goes.
ReplyDelete(2) That said, the best protein bar on earth is the Nugo Dark Mint Chocolate Chip. It's vegan, but don't let that put you off.
Avocado (white_serpent on LJ)
Oh, I love book recs! I haven't heard of that one, but it sounds like something that'd be right up my alley.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep an eye out for that particular protein bar - mint chocolate chip is, by far, the most delicious flavor of anything. Thanks for the suggestions!
Good Calories, Bad Calories essentially says that "Calories in, calories out" isn't correct because your body responds differently to different types of food-- so, in some cases, you can be prompted to store things as fat (or not release fat without great effort) even when you are eating a small number of actual calories.
ReplyDeleteI did lose weight by exercising a lot and restricting calories, but it was very hard and took a long, long time. I'm not saying that getting into shape isn't valuable by itself: it absolutely is, and I'm thrilled to death to have done it.
It just would have been nice to know at the time that what I thought was good for me to eat when losing weight, well, wasn't helping and was in fact hindering, and that the food I crave (I'm not a sugar person, so it's always something with protein and fat... oh, how I love bacon) would have been perfectly fine. ...And also made me feel full, which becomes of particular importance over a long-term diet.
-Avocado, again